Weaponizing Christmas

Christmas has always been an awkward holiday for me. I’m not a Christian…hell, I’m not even a member of any organized religion. I love the idea of going home to see my family and friends, and I enjoy the majority of Christmas traditions (baking obscene amounts of cookies, driving around LA looking at excessive lighting displays, giggling at decorated palm trees)…but something just doesn’t feel right about the holiday.

We always bitch and moan about the over-commercialization of Christmas, and I have to agree with that sentiment. It’s not so much that I’m cheap and don’t like getting gifts for people, I just don’t like doing it without some meaning attached to it. Yes, Christmas isn’t about getting exactly what you wanted that year and blah blah blah. I really do feel like I can’t get into the Christmas spirit unless I know that I’m making people happy on a deep level. Am I overly idealistic? Yes. Is this sentiment stated every single year by nearly everybody? Yes. Do we mean it? Probably not.

Did anyone else notice how big a deal Black Friday was this year? You’d have a hard time finding a shop that didn’t have a Black Friday sale; some are even having a second Black Friday (Grey Friday?) to capitalize on this most holy of shopping seasons.

I don’t think that I can remedy this discomfort. Something that has helped is the fact that I’m not working, so I forced to get very creative with giving, and as a bonus I don’t ever have to be subjected to Christmas music by, well, any place of public gathering. Last year, when we visited Florida I nearly went insane from Disney’s barrage of Christmas music. I can’t stand Christmas music, and I haven’t been able to get anyone who likes it to tell me why it’s so good. In fact, I’ve noticed that some people who love Christmas music attempt to play it more around people like myself, in hopes of either converting them or driving them to jump from the top of a building. If the US ever invades another non-Christian country, may I suggest first implementing mass deployment of Christmas music as part of the shock and awe strategy. Not only would anybody get killed, but I imagine that any and all enemies would drop their guns by the second stanza of a punk-rock cover of “Jingle Bells”. I shiver to even think about it.
If you said that I’m not in the Christmas spirit, you’re very wrong. I love Christmas, even though I’m not Christian. I just can’t deal with Xmas…what we’ve turned this holiday into. Maybe we should switch to Kwanza.

“If I wanted to destroy a nation, I would give it too much and I would have it on its knees, miserable, greedy and sick.” – John Steinbeck

Too Many Dust Bunnies

So here I am, beating this horse again. I’ve no real reason why I’ve decided to relaunch my short and shitty writing, but I guess part of it has to do with the fact that a friend suggested that I keep writing. My old Technews column was good, they said. I always read it, they said. So I’m doing this to serve my old readers, or at the very least to appeal to my own vanity.

My girlfriend has a very interesting way of describing my personality. She says that I’m a really nice guy in person, but when I write I become a total asshole. I do the written equivalent of screaming my lungs out at somebody who probably doesn’t deserve, but made a misstep in my direction and hence I feel like punishing them. The administration of my alma mater often made for delectable cannon fodder, and luckily it delighted those who shared my outlook.

This time around, I have no idea what to write about. Hell, without deadlines, I’m not sure whether or not I’ll be able to force myself to write. It was quite convenient back then, when I had 30 minutes to put something together, so I’d essentially buckle down and participate in a 10 Minutes Hate and then put the words to paper before my roommate told me to shut up…or disprove my point. Damn, he was good at that.

So for no real reason than “Hey I want to do this again”…here I am, doing this again.